Reverend Samuel M. Shoemaker, Jr.’s
Apologia For His Life
“So I Stand By The
Door”
The Poem, Its Form
and Titles and an Historical Commentary--Revisited
By Dick B.
Copyright 2012 Anonymous. All rights are reserved
Background Introduction
The Reverend Samuel Moor Shoemaker, Jr., S.T.D., DD, is
known to a few (far too few) members of Alcoholics Anonymous as a “co-founder”
of the Society and the well-spring of its ideas.
To the religious community, to Episcopalians, and to many
citizens, Sam was known and applauded as one of the 10 greatest preachers in
America (along with Billy Graham, Norman Vincent Peale, and others). From 1925
and for many years thereafter, Sam was Rector of the Calvary Protestant
Episcopal Church in New York. Later he was called to be Rector of the Calvary
Episcopal Church in Pittsburgh. Sam took a special interest in Alcoholics
Anonymous and became a good friend of co-founder Bill Wilson. In fact, Sam
taught Bill Wilson most of the spiritual principles that were incorporated into
A.A.’s basic text (Alcoholics Anonymous) and in A.A.’s Twelve Steps. Some 200
phrases in A.A. bear the unmistakable footprints of Sam. And, at one point,
Wilson asked Shoemaker to write the Twelve Steps, but Sam declined – saying
they should be written by Bill. Nonetheless, the Steps (as is the Big Book) are
replete with Shoemaker ideas on how to find God, the “turning point,” the
Oxford Group life-changing steps (Confidence, Confession, Conviction,
Conversion, Continuance), Quiet Time, Spiritual Awakening, prayer, fellowship,
conversion and witness, and the need to “pass it on”—a phrase known to all AAs.
Years after the founding of A.A. in 1935, Wilson accorded Shoemaker the
singular honor of addressing the A.A. International Conventions in 1955 (St. Louis)
and 1960 (Long Beach).
Recently, the Executive Director of the Pittsburgh
Experiment (which Sam founded) opined to me that Shoemaker’s whole dedication
was to opening the door and showing people how to find God. Shoemaker several
times wrote articles bearing titles like “How To Find God.”
It is not surprising that Shoemaker penned several versions
of a poem which most have titled “So I Stand By The Door.” Actually, at
Christmas, 1958, Sam had this poem and many others privately printed by Calvary
Church in Pittsburgh. The poem has taken several forms and been known by at
least two titles. The first title – apparently the one that Sam himself chose –
was “So I Stay Near The Door—An Apologia For My Life.” This is the title used
in the pamphlet which I found in the Episcopal Church Archives in Austin,
Texas. The poem has been used, modified, reprinted, and retitled elsewhere
under the better known name of “So I Stand By The Door.”
The Poem: “So I Stay Near The Door”
[I have received so many inquiries about the poem, its
title, its wording, and where to find it, that this rendition is made available
for your blessing. Further extensive comments on Sam Shoemaker can be found it
my title “New Light on Alcoholism: God, Sam Shoemaker, and A.A.” (http://www.dickb.com/newlight.shtml)]
“I stay near the door.
I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out,
The door is the most important door in the world—
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There’s no use my going way inside, and staying there,
When so many are still outside, and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where a door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men.
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it . . .
So I stay near the door.
“The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door—the door to God.
The most important thing any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands,
And put it on the latch—the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man’s own touch.
Men die outside that door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter—
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live, on the other side of it—live because they have
found it.
Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him . . .
So I stay near the door.
“Go in, great saints, go all the way in—
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics—
In a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms,
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in,
Sometimes venture a little farther;
But my place seems closer to the opening . . .
So I stay near the door.
“The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving—preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door,
But would like to run away. So for them, too,
I stay near the door.
“I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not even found the door,
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply, and stay in too long,
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him, and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.
Where? Outside the door—
Thousands of them, millions of them.
But—more important for me—
One of them, two of them, ten of them,
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch,
So I shall stay by the door and wait
For those who seek it.
‘I had rather be a door-keeper . . .’
So I stay near the door.”
Epilogue by Dick B.
The poem contains many reminders of the A.A. I found –
newcomers crying out for help in finding God. Hesitant, frightened, even
reluctant newcomers—coming in and out by the thousands each year. Newcomers who
seek a guiding hand—only to hear that “god” can be a light bulb, a radiator, a
chair, or “Someone.” Newcomers who can’t find Shoemaker’s “door” because there
is no one leading or pointing to the right power—Yahweh, the Creator. Newcomers
who—amounting to 50% of those who come in the A.A. door—are out of it within the
first year. Back to drinking. Back to drugs. Back to misery. Back to sure and
certain death by one means or another if they remain “outside” the real
door—the door to the power of God.
How valuable it will be for people to look one more time at
Shoemaker’s poem.
As some Americans urge that we take “God” out of our Pledge
of Allegiance. As we do take “God” out of our courtrooms. And, then, sad to
say, as AAs are adjured to take “God” out of their belief system and substitute
it with a supposed freedom to choose just “anything at all.”
The A.A. I found, almost twenty years ago, included, among
other things, these signposts:
(1) “Remember that we deal with alcohol—cunning, baffling,
powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all
power—that One is God. May you find Him now!” (“Alcoholics Anonymous,” 4th ed.,
p. 59; and the first chapter of Shoemaker’s first title, “Realizing Religion,”
1923).
(2) “. . . either God is everything or else He is nothing.
God either is, or He isn’t. What was our choice to be?” (“Alcoholics
Anonymous,” 4th ed., p. 53; and Shoemaker’s title which preceded A.A.,
“Confident Faith”).
(3) “Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was
there. He was as much a fact as we were.” (“Alcoholics Anonymous,” 4th ed., p.
55).
(4) “When we drew near to Him, He disclosed Himself to us!”
(“Alcoholics Anonymous,” 4th ed,, p.
57).
(5) “We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection
and care with complete abandon.” (“Alcoholics Anonymous,” 4th ed., p. 59; and
many of Shoemaker’s titles, including his first—“Realizing Religion”).
The early A.A. Pioneers in Akron, Ohio, were not trying to
find God. They got their information, their belief system, and their
instructions from the Bible. They studied the Bible. And they believed that God
is (See Hebrews 11:6). So did I. As a matter of fact, Dr. Bob explicitly
required each new A.A. to say that he did believe in God. Not “a” god. God!
Devastated by the ravages of excessive drink, like the
Pioneers, I sought to rebuild my relationship with God—to establish daily
fellowship with Him (1 John 1). And to seek His protection and care at every
turn, mindful that obedience to His will was a vital part of the effort. Like
early AAs, I was cured of alcoholism and have not had a drink from the first
day in A.A. rooms until present.
Doubters, unbelievers, and some like Bill Wilson—were given
a Christian upbringing in the East Dorset Congregational Church, then at Burr and Burton Academy where there was daily
chapel, and later even at Norwich University. But events changed Bill.
Bill turned his back on God when his
high school girl-friend Bertha Bamford unexpectedly died in surgery. Beginning
right there and continuing until 1934, Bill turned away from God, from his Christian
upbringing, from his Sunday school and church attendance, and from his four
years of Bible study. In fact, that dark period did not end until 1934.
In 1934, Bill Wilson was desperate, depressed, and a drunken
alcoholic. Dr. Silkworth advised Bill that the Great Physician Jesus Christ
could cure him. Bill was then visited by his friend Ebby Thacher, a drunk, who
had gone to the altar at Calvary Mission, accepted Christ, and been healed.
With that, Bill himself went to the Calvary Mission altar and made a decision
for Jesus Christ. After which, he wrote: “For sure, I’d been born again.” Then
Bill—still despairing and drunk--went to Towns Hospital. He cried out to God
for help. He immediately experienced the blazing of his hospital room with an indescribably
white light. Bill believed that he had been in the presence of Almighty God. He
said he thought: “Bill, you are a free man. This is the God of the Scriptures.”
Bill was immediately cured. He never again doubted the
existence of God. And, before long, he was urging AAs to “find God.” And to
“find Him now.” A.A.’s basic text was written to suggest to newcomers the steps
to take to find God. And this was the very thing Rev. Sam Shoemaker was
teaching to his friend Bill Wilson in New York.
Bill suggested taking the Twelve Steps to “find God” and
establish a relationship with Him. The suggested steps were designed to show
that “God could and would [if He were sought”] heal the alcoholic.
END
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Gloria Deo
